Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Decisions, Decisions

As you can probably tell by the title I am at a crossroads. Right now I'm trying to figure out whether or not to go to grad school at this point in time. You're probably thinking "But Jeanette, didn't you go to California for the explicit purpose of going to grad school?" And the answer is yes... kind of, I used grad school as my way out, I knew I wanted to move out of Michigan and get around the world and getting into grad school in California was my way out.

Where I'm at right now is this, I can go to grad school and be fine with that, but I would end up taking out 72,000 in loans on top of what I have right now. That's a whole bunch of money... like a house in Michigan.
And I love Engineering, but it's not my only interest, and I could totally be happy in a lot of jobs, and I feel like if I spend all this money getting this degree I'm going to get trapped doing that for the rest of my life to justifying spending all that money.

Another thing, obviously USC is a great university, I could not go, focus my energy on getting an engineering job, if that's what I decide, and then get them to pay for me to get another degree.

I don't know, growing up on the poor side of things make me so hesitant to go 72,000 into debt if I'm not 100% committed. I feel like I'd be better off making money and getting my existing debt paid off, and work on saving money to help my mom out.

The thing that's stopping me right not is that I came out here on the pretense that I was going to USC and I feel like I'm just going to disappoint everyone if I don't go. I hate feeling like a letdown. Ugh, I have two interviews tomorrow, we'll see how they go.

I guess the main thing that would make this decision easier would be knowing what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. So that's what I'll ponder tonight I suppose. Sorry about this whiny post haha I hate blogging all about me and my struggles haha.


Ana from far away! said...

It's a really though decision, maybe if you get into debt, you might stop loving what you have right now. Anyways, you can go to gradute school any time, it doesn´t have to be now... It took me a while to understand this :( haha.

____j said...

I agree with your statement about, if you're not 100% committed, you probably should just put it off. I know that you don't want to disappoint your family, but honestly, if you talk to your mom and tell her whats going on, you know she's going to understand and support you. Especially if you get a good job and can prove that you're not just out there to have fun. Good luck on your interviews. Let us know how they go!

Allison said...

it's hard to know what you want to do. I thought I would just work in publishing but the universe had other plans.

Think about it some more before you make a decision. Can you defer grad school?

Jeanette said...

@Ana: That's true, I mean, it's so much moneyyyy. I'm sure I'd have a great time but it's silly!

@____j: Yeah my mom is pretty awesome she gets it... she just wants me happy. Thanks!

@Allison: Yeah the world is a crazy place, I can apply again another semester odds are I'd get in again. I have until like the 20th to decide. So I'm applying like crazy until then.

Allie said...

I feel for you! Sounds like a big decision with multiple right ways to go. One thing I found post-college was that nothing went as I had planned it. If you had asked me my last semester of college where I would be 3+ years out, I would have given you a TOTALLY different answer.

Also, welcome to LA :)

twilson said...

Jeanette, first of all disappointing anyone who cares about you is not an option. You are an amazing woman who is going to have an amazing life, I am excited to see it unfold. You know times like these are why songs are written about courage and strength. You have so much of both. You also have wisdom to have surrounded yourself by a healthy support system that truly loves and cares for you and YOUR happiness. I agree you needed to leave MI for whatever reason. You're Mom is stronger then we know, she'll be good, just you wait and see. Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself about this decision, maybe late fate play it's role. Apply for those jobs that you would enjoy, pays well and offers a college reimbursement program and have your employer pick up the cost while you enjoy your life in CA and Tonks! You deserve it!

Mr O said...

Man, I was just in a sort of similar situation. I had to go back on my word to my sister and brother in law when I told them 100% I was coming to live with them. Then the opportunity here popped up and I had to take it. But the whole time I felt like I was letting them down and such.

Point: At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you. I think it's good you are putting thought into this, but can you always just maybe not go to school for a year and then see what you want to do?

I don't think at our age we are sposed to know what to do with the rest of our life. Just sayin. Enjoy the shows and the whiffle ball :)