Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Shake It Out

So.... It's been a while.

The other day I was cleaning out my life, clothes, things, and I got to my computer and started going through bookmarks, and I couldn't bring myself to remove my blogger bookmark. I tried, then I put it back in and I realized I still wanted to have the option to post and communicate with ya'll even though, judging by my archive I'm terrible at it.

I'm going to go ahead and blame my ridiculously busy life, even though, here I am, making time for it. I admire people like Liz who still make time to be an actual good blogger (and an awesome person in general). I guess lately I haven't had much to say. Am I where I thought I would be at this point in my life? Absolutely not. But at the moment I'm content with that. Since moving I've had things happen that I would've never thought in a million years would happen. But lately I've been loving it all and as the holidays approach, I'm finding more and more to be thankful for.

I'm so thankful for the friends I've made here, and I think that's why I haven't been able to fully let go. And I want to definitely try to get back into it... so for now, I think I'm going to start fresh and work my way back to being a good blog friend. For that reason, I'm going to stop following a lot of the people I currently follow and only follow those that have stuck in for the long haul, and I know are still out there.

SO if you're reading this, comment with anything so I know you're there and don't get rid of you from my blogs I follow, and I hope that in the coming months I can go back to old times and reconnect with those of you I don't talk to outside of this.

P.S. How in the hell is it possible that it's already almost THANKSGIVING?!!?

P.P.S. Let me know if there are any burning questions you have for me, give me something to write about!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year

I'm not sure if anyone is even reading this anymore, but as I sit here texting Lola it makes me realize how strong of bonds I've formed through this blog and I don't want to give that up, so I really am trying to keep this going.

So much has happened since the last time I wrote on here (over 3 months ago :0!!) It'd be pointless for me to try and recap. If you really want to know you could browse:

However, there is a pretty big thing in the works that I will definitely post more about soon. And I have several impending visitors including a blogger meet up in the next month, I'm also frantically trying to organize another visit either home or to NY. All of that while trying to find a new apartment and pack to move. Found an awesome place in West Hollywood and I can't wait to move.

Anyway, for those of you still out there I thank you for your loyalty even though I rarely comment (although I do read them all!). I miss communicating with you guys all the time, hopefully (fingers crossed) that will change soon.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Teenage Dream

Uh ohhhhh, it's that time of year again, Valentine's Day. The time of year that people in a relationship love and single women fear. Well... some single women, I happen to be *mostly* oblivious to the holiday. That's not to say it doesn't make me think. I'm fine with my currently single status, but I do love to go out on dates every once in a while. I'm also not ruling out a relationship. This kind of babble is what Valentine's Day does to me, it doesn't make me bitter about my relationships or lack there of, but it does make me reflect about where I'm at in my life and what I want out of it.

While going through this years reflections I realized that I'm at a different spot than I thought I would be when I pictured my move to California. I pictured moving out here, getting an adult job, finding a great guy that I enjoyed hanging out with. Someone that would make me cheesy mixes of indie songs and someone I could make some awesome ringtones for (the first, and cheesiest of which would be the title song to this post). I wanted to be able to go to the beach and cuddle in the semi-chill, but mostly warm weather. Wow... all of this seems ridiculous as I'm typing it. How earth shattering, a girl feeling all left out CAPTIVATING! Phffft enough of that.

Anyways, the past two years of Valentine's Days we've had a big blowout for couples and singles alike, but this year no such luck. So either one of two things will happen 1) Someone will ask me out for a romantic dinner of In-n-Out between now and next week or 2) I will go drinking with some other single schmuck and call it a night. I'll keep you guys posted. I was having this discussion with a guy at work the other night that guys actually have it really easy on V-Day, all they need to do is put it a decent effort in (i.e. dinner and a movie, a good enough conversation) and they pretty much are getting lucky lol.

This was such a random post, long days at work and lots to do when I get home leads to this. Also it leads to me seriously debating cutting off a few inches and going blond, or red... or maybe darker. I just need a change. OOOO and P.S. I talked to Amy Adams today and she was an amazingly genuine, nice person. So all in all, life is good.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Left Behind

This past year has flown by, I don't know how it happened but it's February 5th, 2011, two entire years have passed since Kevin died. I've recently gotten to a weird stage in grief where I'm numb to the whole thing, until that moment where something reminds me of him. For example, the other day I was organizing my cd's when the DVD we got with pictures of Kevin on it showed up in the pile... all of the sudden I was a blubbering mess. It's not that the thought of him isn't around everyday, it's that pushed it down to the point that it takes a memory to pop it up to the surface at which point it really, really, sucks. REALLY. SUCKS.

Is this how it is from here on out? I've never lost someone close enough that this has been an issue other than Kevin, and if this is how it is then count me out. I wish I was back in East Lansing, with all of the people who loved Kevin, there to celebrate his life, celebrate all that he meant to each of us. He was one of those people that meant the world to several people, and in turn loved so many people. I realize I'm rambling... it's too hard to get out what I'm trying to say. It's like, people hear are in no way going to be mean, and they'll totally sympathize, but without knowing Kevin I feel like they won't fully get it. I figure most people think that. I guess that's the thing about personal connections, no one really understands your individual pain because they weren't a part of the bond you shared.

I went through my phone the other day and realized Kevin is still in my phone, and I didn't remove the number even though I took out several others. I couldn't bring myself to remove it. He's still on my phone, on my facebook, on my AIM, I can't remove him because it would somehow make it more real. I also don't trust myself, although I know it's not true I feel like I would allow myself to forget if I took him out of those places, if I didn't have the reminders.

Basically, to summarize; I wish losing someone didn't suck so much, but, if it didn't, the relationships wouldn't be as meaningful. Some of the things that always make me smile while remembering Kevin: Camp Rock, Disney songs, Harry Potter, Santa Claus, One Tree Hill, Boskey Bombs, Batman, and so many other things.

There are two songs that really remind me of Kevin, one being the title song from the play Spring Awakening. And the other being "Halloween" by Meg and Dia, which I put up last year, but I thought I'd post the lyrics again:

I've decided I'm done, don't care to move on,
not used to losing someone.
If I lost fate, was no choice I made,
except the excuse of no one.
Your careful silence can't replace your stupid smile,
casseroles and handshakes can't restore,
12 damn years of ours... You stole me.

I don't dare to try again,
they said time will heal and time will mend.
And on Halloween the last time you left,
if I knew you were never coming back.
I would've held on to that last day,
instead of 'here's your keys' the last thing I'd say
would be 'I love you', just in case.
I'm only myself when I'm with you, baby.

I'll be with you someday.

Take down my mirror, my pictures of costumes and you.
Put aside posters and books and aged fortunes,
and all this reminds me of you.
With a pat on the back they say 'honey, it's time to move on.
I'm sure we can find you a hobby now that he's gone'
I stole you.

I don't dare to try again, they said time will heal,
and time will med. And on Halloween, the last time you left,
if I knew you were never coming back, I would've held on to that last day.
Instead of 'here's your keys' the last thing I'd say would be 'I love you'
Just in case, I'm only myself when I'm with you, baby.

They don't understand, we were like this since the first time we met.
We were born holding hands, give me flowers and cards,
I'll smile all they want, if they give me what I want, Give me what I want!

I don't dare to try again, they say time will heal, and time will mend.
And on Halloween, the last time you left, if I knew you were never coming back.
I would've held on to that last day, instead of 'here's your keys',
the last thing I'd say would be 'I love you'. Just in case.
I'm only myself when I'm with you, baby. I'll be with you someday.

I hope that anyone who knew Kevin takes this day to reflect on how TRULY AWESOME he was every single day he lived. And that we all can strive to be that awesome as well. Keep on looking out for us Kevin, we all miss you more than ever. I miss you calling me Norah before you even saw the movie. You're my musical soul mate.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Children of Divorce

Don't worry I haven't forgotten about you, I've just been so busy! It's weird saying that because thinking back I can't even remember what I've done! It's been a combination of working, hanging out in LA, and trying not to drown in the torrential rain.

So many good memories made, I was a shakeweight girl for Halloween and the costume wen't off spectacularly. We went out in West Hollywood and everyone was cracking up at my costume, plus it was a super cheap costume as it was mostly exercise clothes... and then a shake weight.

This was my inspiration http://www.hulu.com/watch/143264/saturday-night-live-shake-weight-dvd ... gets me every time.

In other news I got a puppy, but she was really sick and needed lifelong care that I couldn't provide, so I gave her to a family that could care for her better than I could. It was super sad I've taken comfort in petting every single dog I see.

I went to a 24 hour sushi place against my better judgement and it turned out to be a great decision. Saw Harry Potter opening night at midnight and it was amazing as always. I went to San Diego, aka a whale's vagina, not once, but twice. Had some great holiday dinners despite being away from home, due to the complete and utter awesome-ness of my friend Julia. Her and her family were amazingly kind to my orphan self. I don't know what I would've done without them!

The best part about the last month was that my mom visited for a whole 8 days and it was so much fun just hanging out with her and showing her around my new home! It's weird that you don't realize you miss people that much until you don't see them forever, we had a blast though, and I got to see so many movies with her. 127 Hours (AMAZING), Black Swan (EXTRA AMAZING), Burlesque (Entertaining, but cheesy as hell), The Tourist (Pretty good, at least the ending), and Tangled (DEAR GOD I LOVE ZACHARY LEVI). It was super sad to see her go, but also not terrible since I worked over 40 hours a week since she left.

I also got introduced to the best site ever it's called idump4u.com and it is SO FUNNY. Check it out right now. I also got really bored one day and cut and dyed my hair haha, I shouldn't have days off or I do irrational things. I also got the chance to see Unwritten Law for free and that was amazing, loved them for a long time and it was such a good show, thanks to Olivia!

Sorry for the short update, but I have to work tomorrow and then it's two days off for my birthday then one more day of work then heading to San Francisco with Julia! Hope you're all having an awesome New Year!

Celebrities I've seen and/or spoken to: Emily Procter, Marcia Cross, Arnold Schwarzenegger, David Archuleta, Charice, Joel McHale, Denise Richards, Tony Shaloub, Helen Mirran, Shia LaBouf, Nick Swardson, Milo Ventimiglia, Ashley Benson, Gary Oldman, and Emma Roberts, among others.